


Liability

by eboyfrodo



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, angst with happy ending, i feel like this is shit but im publishing anyway, rich feels so so guilty, will roland jeremy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-09
Updated: 2019-03-09
Packaged: 2019-11-14 16:05:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18055658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eboyfrodo/pseuds/eboyfrodo
Summary: "i'm a little much for everyoneyou're gonna watch me disappear into the sun"Rich Goranski, after hurting so many, believes isolation is the answer. But Jeremy Heere refuses to let that happen.





	Liability

**Author's Note:**

> based on the song Liabilty by Lorde.

_Why is this so hard_? He thinks to himself, looking at the disgusted stares and somewhat rolled eyes of everyone around him. He feels dizzy, sick.

“I-I’m sorry,” he says, to Michael who is the first person he can come to think of, because Michael is right next to him. “I took it too far-”

“It’s _fine_ ,” Michael says. He looks at Jeremy who looks away quickly. Even Christine’s face was red and her eyes were pointed towards her lunch.

Where did he go wrong, where did he go wrong? He feels tears in his eyes, hears Jeremy say, “Rich, don’t cry-”

“Back off.” He regrets snapping immediately, but he can’t do anything about it now, and he leaves, running to the boy’s room as fast as he can. It’s his second outburst in a week, he knows it’s too much. Friends don’t storm off after snapping after every joke. Friends don’t take jokes too far, friends know what to say. He’s not their friend, they probably hate him. And he shouldn’t consider them his, getting them caught up in his storm won’t help. Why can’t he just get it right? Why can’t he ever just, just, _know_ how to act, because he doesn’t. At least before, he had someone telling him how to act- _no_ , he reminds himself. Anything is better than that. He would rather be friendless forever than have _her_ back in his head.

Taking out his phone, he writes a sorry to Jeremy, to Michael, to Christine. Soon he finds himself writing one to Chloe, Jake, Jenna, and Brooke. Everyone. Sorry they had to deal with him, sorry that he even _existed_ -

Too much. He’s too much. He deletes their contacts, it’s what’s best for them. Because for them to get in all his baggage, a loser, an arsonist, a bully, a pathetic nobody. Why did he ever tell himself that he could change, how do you change?

Soon the bell rings, and he doesn’t move. He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to face them. He’s hoping no one comes in here, can someone hold their bladder for at least _five_ minutes. However, he hears the door open and the all too familiar sound of squeaking black converse on that sticky floor.

“Rich? Are you okay?” He hears someone say.

Rich doesn’t know what to say, so he doesn’t say anything. “Rich?” The voice calls out again.

“Leave me alone, please.” is his shaky reply, as he tries to fight back tears.

“Rich, can I talk to you?”

“No.”

“Please?” Rich sighs and comes out of the stall. Jeremy stands there, slouching, as per usual, glasses slipping down his nose.

“We always seem to meet in here, huh?” Rich jokes, trying to take Jeremy’s attention away from the fact that he was just crying.

“Are you okay? You seemed pretty upset, I’m sorry Michael was harsh-”

“I’m fine. And-I don’t need your pity, Jeremy.” Rich stares at the disgusting floor. “After..after all I’ve done, that’s the _last_ thing I need.”

“But.. but I already said I forgive you. It wasn’t your fault-”

“BUT IT WAS!” Rich knows he shouldn’t yell, that some teacher will get mad and report it, but he does anyway. “I TOOK THE SQUIP IN THE FIRST PLACE! I..I DID THINGS I KNEW WERE WRONG BECAUSE OF IT! “

“Oh, and _I_ didn’t?” Jeremy exclaims, red in the face. “I almost took over the _whole school_! You’re not the only one who’s done fucked up shit, Rich! Both of us have!”

“You..you didn’t burn down a house. You..you didn’t hurt people again and again and again, you didn’t do half the things I did. You were..better.” Rich sits down on the bench, (a weird placement for one, right in front of the urinals. Rich hates whoever designed this school). “So why do you even talk to me?”

Jeremy sits next to him, and right away Rich feels a bit better, to have someone next to him. “Because you get it, man. You understood what it was like to be so desperate that you would go to horrible lengths. And I’m not talking to you out of pity. I’m talking to you because I want to be your friend.”

“Why would you want to be friends with someone who made your life miserable? I’m beyond friend material, trust me.” Rich shakes his head and smiles nervously. Jeremy is so kind. How could he even be in the same ballpark as a person like him?

“Rich, I know about making people miserable. Ask Brooke or Michael. But maybe.. Maybe we can try to make each other less miserable.” Jeremy’s voice is surprisingly smooth like Rich has never heard it before, devoid of cracking, wobbling, or mispronouncing. “The only thing someone needs to be friend material is a friend.”

Rich laughs, wiping the tears away. “That sounded like..it came from some fake deep subreddit.”

“Well..then that post was made for you.” It’s cheesy but Rich feels a smile start to form, and before he knows what he is doing, he buries his face into Jeremy’s shoulder. “Thankfh you,” he says, face still covered.

“Uh, you’re, you’re welcome.” And Rich feels another head on his. “Our SQUIPS would’ve hated this.”

“Well, fuck them.” Rich says. “You have a comfortable shoulder.”

“Yeah..fuck them.” Jeremy says back, his voice quiet and soft.

Rich thinks about how wonderful Jeremy is, how wonderful he always was. Why didn’t he see it sooner? Maybe he did, maybe he just wasn’t allowed to notice.

Either way, he's here with him now, their heads resting on each other. 

And that’s what counts.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first posted Be More Chill fic, so I'm a bit nervous. Rich has always been one of my favorites, his arc is so interesting, and his development is amazing. He just has a lot of potential as a character. I imagined it would be hard for him to fit in or try to be normal again after all he's done, so I wanted to explore that idea. I hope you all enjoyed!


End file.
